A little game review for a little game...

In my down time/off time, I have a penchant for playing games. I am no stranger to Civilization 4 (I'm kicking some serious tail as Chairman Mao in a Terra campaign...) as well as a variety of other online and console games. When I don't have much time to mess around or needs some mindless/numbing entertainment, I drift towards simple flash-based games that abound on the internet. Recently, I discovered a game on onlineflashgames.org that really works for me on multiple levels. The game in question is 'Tower of Heaven'...

Game play is delightfully simple. Jump and move your little... whatever he is towards the exit to advance. At the beginning of each level of the tower, a text box discouraging you from the 'path of righteousness' appears and has varying levels of snarkiness for you to read. Obstacles (such as spikes and pits...) appear in your way to destroy you so you cannot reach the top of the tower. An interesting twist to this is that as you progress, the game will give you rules that are an instant kill if you violate them. A couple examples are, 'You cannot touch any living thing (such as vines, grass, and butterflies...)' and 'You cannot walk left (more annoying than you can imagine...)'. The game play is also very linear, which is no surprise for an online flash game, but this is not a detractor either. It's straight forward and simple and that's good for me...

Here's why I love this game: The graphics are done in the style and colors of the old school Game Boy (read: blacks, browns, and greens...), the sound effects are also appropriate to the style, and (last but certainly not least...) the soundtrack is f'ing fantastic. The composer is on deviantart as FlashyGoodness and has made a plethora of video game music as well as large variety of video game remixes. This dude has the chops, let me tell you. Beyond that, this game succeeds where many others I've played failed. It is very easy to make an homage game that is rather half-assed. It takes real talent, then, to make a game that shows the great affection the creator has the genre. The graphics and music blend together perfectly with the play style and make playing it a joy each time I load it up...

I give this game a solid A all around. I would pick this game up even after I beat it because of the music and of the challenge level. As of this blog post, I still haven't finished the game. Level 11 is smacking me around resoundly. I trust I shall complete it though. But unlike many other games, I'm in no hurry to do so. Game on, friends. Oh, and let's not forget you can find the link to the game here...

Keep your shirts on, hipsters...

Back again and this time, it's a movie review. You know how you see a movie preview and hear a lot of hype about it and it REALLY gets you pumped to see it? And in that same preview, there are a dozen or more reason why you THINK the movie will appeal to you and be just one hell of a ride? You wait and you wait and (sometimes...) you miss it in the theaters and mourn the loss. And then you get to actually see the movie and it is a complete and total let down on a level you cannot appropriately describe. I have had this experience many, many times and guess what? It happened again. I don't normally go off and negatively review a movie (I like talking about things I actually enjoy...), but this will as close as I get for a while. Let's just jump right in with the Witte's Review of 'Scott Pilgrim vs. the World'...

Good lord, where to start? I suppose a synopsis is in order, but I won't give too much away if you still want to give this film a shot. It starts with an 8-bit rendition of the Universal Studios theme (pretty cool, if nerdy...). Then, we are introduced to Scott Pilgrim and his band, Sex Bob-omb, right off. They have a sort of odd indie/post-emo sound that Scott's current girlfriend, Knives (ugh...), thinks is awesome even though the rest of the band go on and On and ON about how they are pretty sure they suck (double ugh [more on this 'ugh' later...]...). It needs mentioning that the majority of the characters are extremely depressing and whiny for no damn reason. We are then shortly introduced Ramona Flowers, the object of Scott's affections and the motivation for the rest of the film. He breaks up with Knives to be with Ramona and Knives has a bit of a breakdown. Sex Bob-omb is scheduled to play at a battle of the bands against Scott's ex-ex-girlfriend (more and more whine...) but the journey is punctuated with battles between Scott and Ramona's evil ex-boyfriends. These battles are further punctuated with video game and comic book references, making them more fun and unique than your usual action movie. In between each battle there is an attempt at character development (fail...) and then another battle. This back and forth of story eventually leads Scott to the final boyfriend. I'll leave it there as to leave some surprise of the ending for those who still want to see it...

I'll start with saying it takes 30 minutes before the first battle starts, and that first 30 minutes are quite painful to get through by the end. The characters are introduced but not very well developed and end up being very one-dimensional and shallow. Probably the best character (even by the end...) is Scott's gay roommate, who actually shows a bit of normalcy and depth compare to the other characters. We know little about each of the characters, though I can imagine this would be alleviated if I had read the comics first (people who saw 'Watchmen' without reading it first might feel the same way...). Even so, the characterization is weak in the context of the movie. The majority of the characters are extremely whiny and depressing, but for no reason that is discernable. The band members have all the marks of being in high school for all their complaining, but each of them (minus Knives...) is 20+ and (as far as I can tell...) have little to no reason to be THIS whiny...

The movie gives us little reason to commiserate with the characters and their issues. This might also be a factor of my age and the maturing of my movie palate. Each of the band members prattle on about their 'suckness', but little is shown to back up that opinion. Many of the important characters are annoyingly narcissistic and it makes me not care whether I see them develop or not. Scott and his band are portrayed as if they are in high school and thus act as if they are still under the social pressure of high schoolers. However, this does not pan out as the movie goes for a variety of reasons. They are not in a situation that bombards them with social disapproval and have chosen a hobby/profession that would (inevitably...) either preclude them from ridicule or be forced out due to harsh unpopularity. However, their audience seems to either care very little or avidly like them as a band (especially by the end...). Plus, they can actually play so the talent part is out. Further, they are put forward as trendy, semi-nomadic, mostly attractive hipsters. This doesn't jive with the social outcast vibe the movie was trying to give us. This movie is trying to tell us that this kind of people are not cool or in and (frankly...) that is who this movie is pandering to; the pretensious cool kids who are too cool to think they are cool (ya dig?)...

Wow, that was cathartic to say the least. I'll move onto a positive note; the actual fights. Most of them are actually pretty good. The choreography rivals to any modern martial arts movie and the effects used are seamless. It was nice to see comic book styled sound effects accompany the hits as well as having an announcer denote combos and K.O.s (a la Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat...). I was less than impressed with the CGI monster during the band battle as it show less innovation and originality compared to the other fight scenes, but on the whole, the fights were the best part of the film. I'd even go as far as saying that if they release a 'Fight's Only' DVD version, I'd by it. Though (as I was told recently...), that's why God made the scene skip button on the remote...

This will kind of segue into my next up-note for SCvTW; the evil ex-boyfriend's themselves. This is where the overall silliness comes into play and the movies are the most fun. The villains are over the top and seem to have a bit more depth than our main characters (sad...). Specifically, two of the exes stand out from the pack and only because of the actors they chose. These are Chris Evans (whom you know as the Human Torch and Capt. America to name a few...) and Brandon Routh (the Reeves look-a-like from Superman Returns...). Having established super hero actors in this kind of movie inspires me to think of what this movie could have been with a little extra effort. 2 of the 7 exes are already in the comic genre; just make the rest other hero actors. There are enough young bucks in the field that it would have been easy and fun for the audience. However, what I got was enough to amuse me (if not completely counteract the whine...). I have to mention my favorite bit where Routh's character gets assaulted by the Vegan Police for breaking vegan law (one of the V-Cops is Thomas Jane, who you know as Punisher in the first reboot...). It's silly without being obnoxious and that fact is crucial to making these moments of the film better than the whole kit-and-caboodle...

So, my overall thoughts? I will say I don't regret seeing Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. However, I will likely not see it again or if I must, I will find something to do in between the fight scenes. I see the love note to video game fans there are attempting to send, but they didn't do it enough to suit me. I compare it to the love note Hot Fuzz sent to action movie fans; that movie (for me...) was the total package. SCvTW falls a little short for not doing enough. The effects are good, but the characters aren't worth the celluloid they were printed on. Might I have a different reaction after reading the comics? Perhaps, but I doubt I will ever based on what I've seen in the movie. Again, if you like heavy effects fight scenes and video game references, you might like this. If you hate non-purpose whiner babies, it's doubtful you'll make it far with this. I'll end with the thought I had midway through the film: "I thought that angsty emo-kids were the most annoying people. Turns out I hate whiny, pretentious hipsters even more". Take what you will from that...

We'll be right back...

Going camping this weekend, so there won't be any decent post on here until next week. I should have a couple gems by then, but in the meantime, how about a suggestion or two for what to write about? I love reader suggestions (even if I don't fulfill them...) because it allows me to stretch out. Either way, see you guys come Monday of next week...

Casting call, part deux...

Here we have another round of casting choices if it were even remotely possible to make an Earth/Universe/Paradise X movie. Let me tell you, it took some thought for this challenge (I hate phoning it in...) and with the length being what it is, we're going into overtime. Er, round three that is. I'll get to them as I get to them, but let's see who's on deck this time:

Reed Richards - Pierce Brosnan: Overcome with grief due to the loss of his wife Sue, as well as Johnny Storm, the former Mr. Fantastic has settled into Doom's castle and wears the armor of Doom as penance. He still works tirelessly to right the world’s wrongs, but is constantly a frustrated man. We need an actor who can seem to take the world's burden on their shoulders and remain strong. We need an actor who can play a tortured genius but also be looked up to by others. I'm tapping Pierce Brosnan to play Mr. Fantastic for this. It may seem odd to some, but I really would feel this performance as Pierce is a more than decent actor and this might give him a reason to stretch out (HA!) and do something a little different for a change. Plus, his voice can have a soft quality to it that I think fits the persona of this older Richards. Lastly, the ladies love Pierce, no matter his age...

X-51/Machine Man - Frank Welker: X-51 is the first character we meet in Earth X and he remains supremely important in the entire series. He is 'recruited' by the old Watcher to be his replacement. However, despite his being a machine, X-51 was built with a conscience and this will contrast with his predecessor’s method of Watching. This character would be 90% CGI, but you need a voice that can be very tragic, torn and conflicted as well as passionate and often sublime. This was the toughest on the list to fill, but I chose to go with one of the current masters of voice acting, Frank Welker. You've heard Frank in countless cartoons (Fred in Scooby Doo, Megatron in the original Transformers, Abu in Aladdin, check Wikipedia for the full list...) but might have never figured that one guy does so many different voices. He has such a range that I often have to check the credits just to find out if he did a voice or not. When you have a difficult decision, it's best to go with the best...

The Thing - Michael Chiklis: After the Fantastic Four disbanded, Ben Grimm settled down with Alicia Masters in New York and have a couple of kids; basically living the American Dream, even if it is cosmically powered. The Thing is one of the few characters that are very close to their main Marvel counterpart, in demeanor, in attitude, and in how he views the world. You might think this selection is a cheat, but I'll let you in on a little secret; casting Michael Chiklis was probably the most perfect choice regarding the Fantastic Four movies (from a fan boys' stance...). He's reportedly a fan of the series and it really shows in the performance he gave us then and Mike would give the same dedication if an Earth X movie was green lit...

Female Thor - Tilda Swinton: Thor was cursed yet again by Odin, by way of Loki's trickery, to inhabit the body of a female in an effort to teach the thunder god further humility. Part of this new curse also entails that if Thor sets foot in Asgard, he will never be able to leave again. The changes Thor experiences over the course of series are deep and very important to plot in each part of the trilogy. I went a little left on this one. There is a distinct lack of large, Norse women in movie worth sticking in this role. So, I went with Tilda Swinton. She's a really good actress plus she has a very intense feeling about her. Even though she is tall and lithe, she can project such power. Also, playing characters like the White Witch and the angel Gabriel were great primers for this role...

Loki - Jude Law: Of all the characters within the X trilogy, Loki changes the most drastically than most of the other Marvel characters. In the confines of Earth X, however, he starts out as most know him best; he's the Norse God of Trickery and Lies and fulfills this role magnificently. To play Loki properly, you need an actor who can make you trust him, but you feel like he would just stab you in the back if you try and double cross him. I'm grabbing Jude Law for this one. He's a very likable guy and plays many likable, sympathetic roles. Jude's also got some serious acting chops outside of character work he has done in recent years. But, every so often I feel like he could just destroy to someone's way of life if he wanted to. That's Loki to a T for me...

Dr. Strange - Vincent Price: Stranded astrally in the land of the dead before the events of Earth X, Dr. Strange is very integral to the overall story line of the X series. I do not want to give any of his parts away but while there will be betrayal from many sides, yet he will remain the Sorcerer Supreme. Yes, this is my second dead actor for this list. Since I can remember, I have thought that Vincent Price would have made an excellent Dr. Strange at any age. He has the poise, the grace, and the presence to be the Sorcerer Supreme. His older actor style fits well with the Dr. Strange aesthetic and would add a touch of class to what may turn into a super hero action romp...

Medusa - Sigourney Weaver: Wife of Black Bolt and Queen of the Inhuman race, Medusa has become much more subdued when we see her appear in Earth X. She is usually known for her fiery temper, but age has dulled her rage and taught her patience even in the face of adversity. A woman with an air of tempered royalty and underlying passion would be needed to play the Queen and I can think of few I'd rather see in this role than Sigourney Weaver. She is a tall and imposing women, capable of both savagery and gentleness (don't believe me? Watch Aliens...) in the roles she takes on. Also, I've got a crush on Ms. Weaver. Sue me...

Luke Cage - Michael Jai White: Known for his mercenary crime-fighting tactics, Luke Cage has grown up from his Heroes-For-Hire days and is now a prominent member of the NYPD. Still fighting crime, the man once known as Power Man is a respected crime fighter in his community, now legitimately taking out the bad guys. I went with Michael Jai White on this one because of his interest in the martial arts, the fact he is the right size for Luke Cage AND in shape for the role, and he has an intense presence about him. Plus, it might redeem him for making Spawn (I doubt many consider 'Black Dynamite' redemption...)...

Cyclops - George Clooney: After the X-Men broke up before Earth X began, Cyclops lived a solitary life speaking telepathically with Phoenix in the land of the dead and doing general good in the community. His relationship with the living Jean Grey deteriorated due to his bond with the Phoenix Force. Captain America sends him circus mutants to train as a new team of X-Men for the upcoming crisis in Earth X. Now, because we are to believe that this aging hero is able to take on a bunch of young mutants and come out on top to be their mentor, you'll need a guy who can show that being old doesn't mean you are weak. I'm going with George Clooney on this one. Much like Bruce Willis, he can still believably do action-type roles that are typically reserved for the 22 to 38 age group. Plus, it'd be a nice apology for Batman & Robin...

As always, your comments are encouraged and welcome (even the off color, tasteless ones...). I'd love to know if you disagree and who you'd see in the roles. This will be the last one of these for a while, but I will get to another round sooner or later. Hit me back...